Don’t laugh at me, my enemies. Although I’ve fallen, I will get up. Although I sit in the dark, the LORD is my light.
– Micah 7:8 (GWT)
When I was a child, I was pretty much the odd one out. I didn’t know how to fit in; I did not travel along the same wavelengths as my peers.
When I was a teen, I was still the odd one out. I was emo and I attended pity parties all the time. I made some bad decisions that left me broken.
Each time, the enemy made me feel like a loser, a failure, a basket case.
When I was 21, at the cusp of adulthood, I discovered I was pregnant out of wedlock. It was one of the hardest trials I put myself and I put my family through.
At that juncture, I saw my future fracture before me into many pieces.
I had fought hard to attend film school but I stumbled in my personal life and it affected me so bad. I never got to finish the diploma that I had chosen over the degree in English Literature I could have gone on to do in UK. I watched as my classmates went on to make their final year projects, graduate and lived life.
I was stuck in a valley- I realised that I could not marry the biological dad of my child (that would make it two mistakes in a row) and I was fighting despair. My mum was naturally furious and angry with me, and I felt like I had disappointed my dad whom I am very close to. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I knew that people were gossiping behind my back and it pained me when at one point, a project mate (I had gone back briefly to the Polytechnic) told me not to call her home because her mother did not like single mums. I felt so ostracised and I felt so judged. The enemy heaped shame and guilt and condemnation on my hunched up shoulders. I cried myself to sleep many nights.
But like the above bible verse, although I sat in the dark, the LORD was my light.
He sent help in the form of my secondary school bestie’s family who gave me a place to stay for two weeks whilst my folks tried to sort out their emotions.
He sent solace in His Word and through worship song lyrics. (STILL remains a favourite song today)
When my firstborn came to this world, I knew he wasnt a mistake. He was a blessing borne from my mistakes. (I don’t know if he ever realises how precious he will always be to me even though we have our stormy moments these days during this passing phase, but for the record…) He became a reason for me to want to live, to seize the day, to move on and stop living my life walking backwards and escaping from reality.
Later on, when I decided to end the relationship between my ex-boyfriend and me, the LORD in His time, brought into my life a good husband and a good in-law family that genuinely loves us both very much.
The darkness was never pitch black. I was alone but I was never alone.
When I walked in the wilderness, there was a pillar of cloud that sheltered me from the heat of the day and a pillar of fire that warmed me up in the cool of the night. There was daily manna falling all around me and even when I asked WHY GOD WHY? as a baby Christian, He made water flow out from the rocks to quench my thirst.
I never finished my diploma but I am doing what I love the most- I write. It is my passion, my hobby and my occupation. When I worked full time as a writer, I was paid more than a Uni graduate in a senior writing position in a prominent company.
Micah 7:9(b) goes on to say, “He will bring me out to the light, And I will see His righteousness…”
And today, this is how I feel when I look back at my past and look ahead at my future. He has brought me out into the light of His glory and I see what His righteousness has purchased for me.
I look forward to the promises of Micah 7:11 to be mirrored in my tomorrows, “The day for rebuilding your walls and extending your borders is coming.”
Like Jabez’s heartfelt prayer (1 Chron 4:10), I too pray,”Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.”
And the God that granted his request, Who is the same yesterday, today and forever, will also grant mine. =)